Not with a girl. Not yet. I fell in love with my new jacket: a 1995 Alpinestars black-and-blue leather jacket.

First, the jacket is badass. P E R I O D.

Second, I didn’t choose the jacket. It chose me in a Montreal vintage store. Perfect fit. Just like Harry and the 11-inch holly wand with a phoenix feather core.

Third, its insulation and wind resistance are powerful. People always think I’m cold. But this jacket is supposed to handle winds on a sport motorcycle exceeding 365 km/h. I’ve been outside in -15°C wearing only a hoodie and this jacket.

Fourth, unlike traditional winter outfits, you don’t look like a bag of rice. It’s elegant.

Fifth, it's rare. Very few people have it. If you have the stamina to handle the harassment and mockery of envious men, it pays off.

Sixth, it builds your core. The “disadvantage” is that the jacket is quite heavy, more than double a Canada Goose. But that's an advantage. Walking in it is like wearing a weighted vest. Fitness badassery.

Seventh, what a great opener. How many times have I heard “Nice jacket” or “Why are you wearing a biker jacket if it’s snowing?” The dialogue usually goes like this:

• Stranger: Why are you wearing a biker jacket if it’s snowing?
• Jacket owner: Do I look like a biker?
• Stranger: Yes.
• Jacket owner (if the stranger qualifies): Would you go on a bike ride with me?

I haven’t heard “no.” Only “yes” or “maybe/depends.” Girls love maybe. I love them back.

Eighth, wearing the jacket is way safer than actually riding a motorcycle!

Ninth, at Igloofest, a gentleman asked to take a picture with me because of the jacket.

Tenth, Alpinestars is dope. Look at their logo. Yes: "A" "Star." Also, a shark. Sharks are badass. If sharks impersonated humans, they would wear this kind of jacket, of course. Italian brand, obviously. Bravo!

Eleventh, the jacket is from 1995. It's perfect, about my age. If it lasted three decades, it will last another nine. Hopefully, me too.

Twelfth: Sub-zero Mortal Kombat.

Now, because of THE JACKET, I’m getting a motorcycle license. And, of course, buying a motorcycle. See you around.